Updated: Apr 1, 2022
I have done a deep dive into memoir for the past couple of years. As a freelance editor, I chose memoir, a subcategory of creative nonfiction, as my niche specialty because I was enthralled by the idea of helping people tell fascinating stories from their lives that would inform and inspire.
As an editor, once I get past explaining the difference between memoir and autobiography—autobiography is a story of a life; memoir is a story from a life—my experience has been that prospective memoir writers ask a variety of questions that largely fall into two categories:
1. Getting sued: Can I get sued for talking badly about someone, even if it’s true?
2. Writing about trauma: I have experienced a lot of pain/trauma/abuse. How much detail should I go into?
Regarding the legal liability associated with writing a memoir, let me refer you to a blog post of mine, Memoir and Law: Understanding Defamation and Invasion of Privacy. I wrote this article because worries about libel and other legal matters seem to dominate the conversations in memoir writing groups. I’m not going to elaborate on this subject any further here. Just check out the blog post.
The second topic, addressing trauma and pain, is brought up often, as well. Since I have never written about this, that’s what this article focuses on.
Understand the Purpose of Memoir
Let’s start by defining what a memoir is, to get a true understanding of its purpose. Using the words of author and memoir-expert Marion Roach Smith.
Memoir is not about what you did.
Memoir is about what you did with it.
Take a minute or two to think about these statements because understanding the distinction is key to knowing when the time is right for you to write a memoir.
Here is another of Roach Smith’s teachings that I’ve quoted before.
A memoir is a story about something you know after something you’ve been through.
A writer’s ability to comprehend this description is vital to produce a memoir about a person readers will come to empathize with and root for—you.
Memoir Is Not a Bummer Genre
A criticism often slapped onto memoir is that it is a trauma-based genre, all about pain, heartache, abuse, disappointment, failure, bad judgment, and missed opportunities. And, sadly, the book market is chock full of memoirs that bear out that criticism. Those winners of the Trauma Olympics give the genre a bad name and frighten many readers away.
Folks, the fact is, great memoir is more than the documentation of traumatic experiences. Period. If that’s all you’ve got—"Something terrible happened to me and I want to write about it”—you are not ready to author a memoir. Please hear me out.
Here are what a few memoir authors and editors have to say:
[A memoir] must be about something of universal interest that this person [the subject of the memoir] illustrates. ~~Marion Roach Smith
[Memoir] works when there is distance between what you experienced and your self-understanding, which is more important than simply recalling the experiences. ~~Dena Taylor, May 2014, shewritespress.
The now perspective is what makes memoir different from fiction; you explain how the story shaped you by weaving together the then and now. ~~Cindi Michael, December 2016, Writer’s Digest. (I talked about the importance of having a now in your memoir in my guest blog post for The Cheerful Word, Most Common Memoir Writing Mistakes.)
Memoir is about transcendence. You have learned from your experience and you are sharing what you learned. ~~Marion Roach Smith (Yes, again. She’s the queen.)
How Much Is Too Much?
This is the question. Some budding memoirists seem to think that they must drag readers through every second of whatever horrible experiences they have endured. They ask, “How can the reader possibly understand what I’ve been through if I don’t spell it out in explicit detail?” Well, give the readers some credit; skillful writing can transfer a plethora of detail subtly. Strive for intimation not information. Sentences that hint at and insinuate trauma can be more powerful and haunting than those that bludgeon our sensibilities.
And, here again, remember, the purpose is not to document your trauma, but to share the healing and insight you have arrived at.
I Have Nothing but Pain
Memoir writing is not therapy. A memoir is not a therapeutic journal. Simply re-living painful events in your life and calling it a memoir is not helpful to you nor is it a source of comfort or inspiration to a reader. Immersing yourself and the reader in the awful details of a traumatic event does not make for good reading, especially if there is no “But here’s what I learned and how I have transcended this experience” moment.
Think of it this way—you are the main character of your story. A novel that ends with the main character failing to have an “a-ha” moment, not developing courage and self-awareness, and never making something good come from something bad would be a pretty shitty novel.
What Else Can I Do?
A memoir is not how you work through trauma. But writing about trauma is an excellent way to get it in perspective and begin to move forward. If you are still grappling with a painful event, still in the grips of the hurt and confusion of it, work through your feelings by journaling, writing a series of personal essays, or starting a personal blog.
When you get to a point of self-realization and self-esteem—and you will—turn that insight into a memoir that serves as an inspiration to others.
In addition to working as a nonfiction and creative nonfiction editor and writing coach, I am co-author, with Dr. Terri Lyon, of the book Make a Difference with Mental Health Activism: No activism degree required—use your unique skills to change the world. Visit my website page Make a Difference and Dr. Lyon’s activism website Life At The Intersection to learn more about Make a Difference, including how to place bulk orders.
Updated: Apr 1, 2022
NOTE: This article is not meant to take the place of professional legal counsel. The author is not a lawyer and has never been through the process of a defamation or invasion of privacy lawsuit.
From the moment your manuscript starts to take shape, you will feel a sense of purpose. You will share stories from your life that provide genuine value for the readers; stories that honor, inspire, encourage, and heal.
You’re writing and making progress. You feel empowered and you tell everyone what you’re doing, what you’re writing about. And it’s all dandy until some killjoy says, “Be careful you don’t get sued.”
Oh, criminy! That’s a cold shot. Is getting sued for a memoir even a legitimate possibility?
“But it’s all true,” you say. “How can I get sued if it’s true? Anyway, I can write whatever I want—it’s my memoir, my story.”
The fear of a lawsuit can keep people from writing their memoirs or, at least, keep them from writing the story they really want to tell. Lawsuits against memoirists are a sad reality, one you want to avoid at all costs. You might have questions at this point.
As a memoirist, what can I be sued for?
How can I tell my story honestly without tempting a lawsuit?
What legal liability am I willing to risk with my memoir and is that risk worth it?
What precautions can I take to avoid a lawsuit?
Let’s get started.
Understanding Defamation and Invasion of Privacy
What are the legal ramifications of writing about another person in a bad light? After all, you are revealing things about others in your memoirs they might not want revealed and would not choose to reveal on their own. What could you be sued for? The two forms of legal liability a memoir author needs to be concerned with are defamation and invasion of privacy. First, I’ll define them. Then I’ll discuss how to avoid such lawsuits.
Defamation
By definition, defamation is someone’s claim that something you said or wrote about them is untrue, and that this brought loss, pain, or harm to them in some way—their finances, job, reputation, or relationships. There are two forms of defamation. When you defame someone by speaking falsely about them, it’s slander. When you defame someone in writing, it’s called libel. As a memoirist, you should be concerned with libel.
These are the best ways to avoid a defamation lawsuit:
· Tell the truth. Don’t fabricate. Don’t exaggerate.
· Get consent first. Prior consent is your suit of armor again a defamation claim.
· Make the claim confidently if the information is a matter of public record, such as military, employment, or criminal records.
· Confirm that witnesses will step forward to corroborate your story.
It’s not always possible to get consent (for example, the person cannot be found, refuses to comply, or disagrees with your allegations). If you know your truth, don’t let this stand in your way. Make sure to read the section titled “Ways to Legally Protect Yourself.”
If you are uncertain about the legal liability of what you have written, seek professional legal counsel.
Invasion of Privacy
Invasion of privacy is known as “the right to be left alone.” Many memoirists are familiar with defamation and worry most about this when writing a memoir. But, in truth, invasion of privacy might be the more concerning legal issue. Here’s why.
Unlike defamation, with an invasion of privacy claim it does not matter whether the statements made in the memoir are true. That’s right—every word can be undeniably true and a privacy lawsuit can still be filed. There are four elements of such a lawsuit.
An otherwise non-public individual (i.e., not a celebrity, politician, or public figure) has a right to privacy from:
1) intrusion (intentional) on one's solitude or into one's private affairs;
2) public disclosure of embarrassing private information;
3) publicity which puts him/her in a false light to the public; and
4) appropriation of one's name or picture for personal or commercial advantage.
Generally, for the plaintiff (the injured party) to prove invasion of privacy, all four of these elements must be established. (I say generally because this requirement varies from state to state.)
Of these four elements, #2 is the most damning in a privacy claim and the one I found the most difficult to explain here. A successful invasion of privacy claim depends on proving that you have revealed facts not related to public concern, that is, a public disclosure of private facts.
To further complicate the matter, states define public concern differently, but one characteristic that applies across the board is newsworthiness. Is the disclosure newsworthy? For it to be newsworthy, it is something the media are likely to find interesting enough to write about or broadcast. This is typically the case when the disclosure is about something illegal, salacious, or against human decency.
Therefore, a defense against this claim will depend on arguing a legitimate public concern. This can take a number of forms. In some cases, the fact that a publisher chose to publish the book has been enough to show a legitimate public interest. Also, courts have tended to rule in favor of an individual’s right to tell their own stories, even when they contain salacious or distasteful allegations. But this is not a given.
As with libel, consent is the ultimate defense against a claim of invasion of privacy. Consent can be written or spoken, explicit or implied. (Implied? If you tell someone you are recording them for a memoir and they let you, it will be difficult for them to later claim that your memoir invaded their privacy.)
If you are uncertain about the legal liability of what you have written, seek professional legal counsel.
IMO
By the way, you cannot be sued for simply stating your opinion about someone. If you say you felt bullied by your older siblings and they made you feel stupid as you were growing up, they might not ever speak to you again, but they can’t sue you. That’s one of those trade-offs that must be your decision.
What (or Who) Do You Risk Losing?
Are you prepared for the personal or professional consequences of stories in your memoir? Family members, ex-spouses, partners, friends, co-workers, or bosses are just some of the “characters” in a memoir who might take offense at what you have written about them and, subsequently, cut ties. Are the stories, the quotes, and the revelations worth it?
To help decide, you might ask yourself: Why is the person in the book? Based on the story I am telling, is the inclusion of the person and their actions necessary to the story? How would the story change if I left them out?
Ways to Legally Protect Yourself
You don’t want to get sued. If you are working with a publisher, they don’t want to get sued either. So how can you write the memoir you want to write without this happening? Nothing is foolproof, but here are the most effective techniques:
· Get consent. Whenever you can, get permission before you record, interview, or write about someone. The same is true if you are using letters, photos, or other materials created by others. It might not always be possible to get someone’s consent. If it’s not, consider the other techniques.
· Alter identifying information: such as names, places, genders, professions, and distinguishing characteristics (tattoos, scars, height, etc.). Changing information to protect privacy is an acceptable practice for memoir writers.
· Use a pseudonym. Also called a pen name, this can add another layer of protection.
· Consider your motives. I’ve said it before, do not write a memoir seeking revenge or hoping to do harm to someone’s reputation. A memoir is not the way to get even and an honorable publisher won’t touch it anyway.
· Verify your facts. Memories can falter. Research public records, talk to others who were a part of your story, review your own letters, pictures, and journals to confirm information as thoroughly as possible. Writing a memoir is no time to be hasty and careless.
· Ask yourself, how would you feel if someone wrote these stories about someone you love? If the thought bothers you, reconsider what you are writing.
· Add a disclaimer. Every memoir includes a disclaimer in the front material of the book. Publishers do so routinely. Read about the legal controversy surrounding the memoir Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. He was sued for invasion of privacy and lost. There was an undisclosed monetary settlement and Burroughs had to call Running with Scissors a book, not a memoir, and was ordered to include a disclaimer.
If your have a difficult story to tell in your memoir, tell it! Write your story down as you remember it: what happened, what was said, how did the experience shape you? Live your truth through your memoir. Seek legal guidance later. There will be time.
In addition to working as a nonfiction and creative nonfiction editor and writing coach, I am co-author, with Dr. Terri Lyon, of the book Make a Difference with Mental Health Activism: No activism degree required—use your unique skills to change the world. Visit my website page Make a Difference and Dr. Lyon’s activism website Life At The Intersection to learn more about Make a Difference, including how to place bulk orders.
Updated: Apr 1, 2022
Since the start of 2020 I have been working as a contract editor and manuscript assessor for a memoir publisher in North Carolina. Besides loving the steady work and its associated income, I have worked on an amazing variety of memoirs: a man recalling one day on the lake fishing with his dad; a pioneer in women’s liberation and feminist psychotherapy reviewing her career; an adult victim of child abuse recounting the fear and pain he and his two brothers endured and where each is now; and the story of the only Jewish family in a small rural North Carolina town in the 1940s.
My eyes have been opened to the diversity and richness of the lives of those around us; a reminder that you never know what someone has been through simply by looking at them. And an understanding that how well or how poorly someone is doing in life is often the result of circumstances beyond their control.
I suppose I already knew this through my work with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). I am reminded almost daily to not be judgmental of the behavior of a cashier in the supermarket, the saleswoman at a department store, the glum bank teller, or someone in an elevator who is distance and aloof. I don’t know them, their work situation, or what happened to them at home last night or this morning. I just know that life isn’t always a bed of roses. There are families full of love, support, and good memories. And others full of pain, heartache, and regret. Or all of the above.
So, what does any of this have to do with Strike The Write Tone? Or my blog articles that I use to offer advice for writers? Not a damn thing. It’s just what was on my mind as I sat down to blog after a long absence. Let me try to offer editing guidance. Hmm, let me see.
Well, I posted on my Facebook business page at the end of 2019 that my word for 2020 is “Simplicity. No matter your genre, keep your writing as straightforward and to-the-point as possible. Write to communicate, not to impress. Keep it simple.” I also shared this quote.
I had just done a couple of manuscript assessments for newbie writers and this was heavy on my mind. I can recall during my college days, trying to sound as sophisticated and academic as possible when writing an essay or research paper. Everyday words and straightforward sentences were for life outside the classroom. I spent a lot of precious time perusing Roget’s Thesaurus for multi-syllabic versions of commonplace words and fashioning exquisite run-on sentences. When, if read aloud, my paper sounded like something an Oxford don would say, I knew I had succeeded. Sadly, my good grades reinforced this misguided belief.
The finest manuscripts I have edited and assessed this year are those that clearly and humanly register in my brain and my heart. This is not to say that a writer shouldn’t strive to create beauty with their words. I’m not advocating zero description or flat, colorless passages. But I have read some gloriously simple sentences that brought tears to my eyes; tears of sadness and tears of joy. I would love to share one or two, but I cannot. Yet. Let’s get the writers published, then I will.
What I’m talking about is known as overwriting.
Overwriting is a wordy writing style characterized by excessive detail, needless repetition, overwrought figures of speech, and/or convoluted sentence structures. (Thank you, Richard Nordquist).
Overwriting is the hallmark of a writer who is 1) untested, 2) untalented, 3) unedited, 4) egotistical, or 5) some combination of these. If you find yourself laboring and straining to construct a sentence, you might be overwriting.
OK, I know what you’re thinking—I’m saying writing should always be easy and effortless and flow out of you like water from a garden hose. No. That is not what I’m saying.
The truth is, writing is hard.
But not the kind of hard that has you re-working a run-on sentence for an hour trying to select the three most perfect adjectives to describe a cloud. In fact, writing is at its hardest when you are trying to convey an elemental thought or image. Simple beauty in a single sentence is more difficult to achieve than pages upon pages of overwrought passages. Keep it simple. I'll leave you with this:
A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.
~William Strunk and E.B. White, The Elements of Style
In addition to working as a nonfiction and creative nonfiction editor and writing coach, I am co-author, with Dr. Terri Lyon, of the book Make a Difference with Mental Health Activism: No activism degree required—use your unique skills to change the world. Visit my website page Make a Difference and Dr. Lyon’s activism website Life At The Intersection to learn more about Make a Difference, including how to place bulk orders.